This one's mainly for Fanboy, but I hope you all enjoy....
Ballade of Soporific Absorption
Ho! Ho! Yes! Yes! It's very all well,
You may drunk I am think, but I tell you I'm not,
I'm as sound as a fiddle and fit as a bell,
And stable quite ill to see what's what.
I under do stand you surprise a got
When I headed my smear with gooseberry jam;
And I've swallowed, I grant, a beer of lot -
But I'm not so think as you drunk I am.
Can I liquor my stand? Why, yes, like hell!
I care not how many a tossed I've pot,
I shall stralk quite weight and not yutter an ell,
My feech will not spalter the least little jot:
If you knownly had own! - well, I gave him a dot,
And I said to him, 'Sergeant, I'll come like a lamb -
The floor it seems like a storm in a yacht,
But I'm not so think as you drunk I am.
For example, to prove it I'll tale you a tell -
I once knew a fellow named Apricot -
I'm sorry, I just chair over a fell -
A trifle - this chap, on a very day hot -
If I hadn't consumed that last whisky of tot! -
As I said now, this fellow, called Abraham -
Ah? One more? Since it's you! Just a do me will spot -
But I'm not so think as you drunk I am.
Envoi
So, Prince, you suggest I've bolted my shot?
Well, like what you say, and soul your damn!
I'm an upple litset by the talk you rot -
But I'm not so think as you drunk I am.
Sir. J.C. Squire (1884-1958)